Everyone has pet peeves when they drive; things that make them crazy. Mine is pretty constant, it’s always the car directly in front of me.
I don’t know if it’s similar to my other curse, the tall-guy-in-the-theatre-in-front-of-me, but man-o-man do I get stuck behind the worst drivers in all the world. Or at least it feels that way.
Hey car-in-front-of-me, do you really need to make a left there? Hmmm? ‘Cause there’s no way for me to go around you, so now I must wait with you until there’s a gap the size of Manitoba for you to get out of my way.
And speaking of left turns car-in-front-of-me, when we’re at an advanced green, move immediately! Don’t look up and get mesmerized by the flashing light and think “oh, there’s an advanced green, I guess I should go now” then crawl at such a pace that you are the only one to make it through. But I guess that’s all that matters, right? Bastard.
If you absolutely must make a turn, car-in-front-of-me, indicate using your turn signals more that 2 seconds before said turn goddammit. You turning should not be a surprise to either of us.
And, for the love of God, drive at the posted limit, at the very minimum! 42 km/h in 50km/h zone makes me, the-car-behind-you, demented. Ya, ya, you make not get a speeding ticket, but I will have cursed you to hell and back, and that’s infinitely worse in the long run.
On the highway, car-in-front-of-me, do NOT drive in the passing lane, unless you are passing! Crazy concept, wrap your head around it.
Do you think a row stuffed animals peering out the back window at me will placate me, car-in-front-of-me? It will not! In fact it will send me into a frenzy of contempt. What are you thinking, anyway? Certainly not that a row of beady plastic eyes and faux fur is cute, right? Or whimsical? Demonic, is what it is. Point the feckers inwards, if you must have them – let your kids be freaked out by their constant, vacant stares.
In fact, do me a favour. Pull over and let ME be the car-in-front-of-you. I’ll show you how it’s done. Unless, of course, the new car-in-front-of-me is useless. Which is likely.