Recently, I was working on a premise, so had reason to look up the Ten Commandments (long story). While I was doing so, I realized that, for all intents and purposes, when applied to comedy, we really shouldn’t follow the Ten Commandments, in fact, we should do the opposite! Blasphemous, likely, but bear with me whilst I illustrate what I mean:

1. You shall have no other Gods but me.
** Does this count comedy gods? I mean, number 1 leaves little room for Bill Hicks, Mitch Hedberg, Bill Cosby etc. etc.

2. You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it.
** A microphone, a stage, a stool and an audience… sorry God.

3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.
** Take swearing out of stand up?! Not gonna happen. I can’t think of any club comic who never drops a J-bomb or G-bomb now and again! Sheesh.

4. You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy.
** Sunday is part of the weekend. When comics work. For money. Enough said.

5. Respect your father and mother.
** Unless a story or two about them makes for a hilarious bit.

6. You must not kill.
** Well, this one needs very little expansion… all comics want is to kill. Duh.

7. You must not commit adultery.
** Erm, what happens on the road, stays on the road. (NB – does not apply to me, but ya know, I’ve heard stories…).

8. You must not steal.
** Okay, this one does NOT apply to my theory. Don’t steal.

9. You must not give false evidence against your neighbour.
** This one is a fancy way of saying “don’t lie”. Lying for the greater good (i.e. greater laugh) is how we roll.

10. You must not be envious of your neighbour’s goods. You shall not be envious of his house nor his wife, nor anything that belongs to your neighbour.
** Comics make so little money, all we have is coveting!

So, I think I’ve proved my point. It’s just a little sad that we’re all going to burn in Hell. Could that be worse than bombing? Time will tell.

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