So, really, the question that has been on all of your minds has been “What has Martha been up to for the past three weeks?” Because, truly, what’s more interesting than the mundane goings-on of a stay-at-home mother of two and aspiring comic? Not much, I can assure you! At least that’s what I tell myself to help me make it through the day. If you happen to disagree, kindly indulge me and smugly know that your life is fantastic.
So, here’s a day-by-day (yes, DAY-BY-BLOODY-DAY) breakdown:
Feb 24th – probably slept in. That night performed at a new room – So Funny! With Richard Ryder @ Gladaman’s Den. First show I’ve done in a gay bar. Small audience due to the fact that it was Oscar night, but fun set.
Feb 25th – School run, tedious visit to the bank to re-negotiate mortgage, school run (henceforth to be referred to as SR, happens everyday, twice a day, three hours of running around collecting sprogs); swimming lesson. More than likely cooked dinner. Went to son’s “First Reconciliation” at church. Am glad he is now free of mortal sin, though can’t imagine his confession was much more than “farted a lot” and “called my sister poopy-face” – he’s seven, for godsake. Missed Mike Wilmot’s birthday party because my husband had a late meeting and I’m a loser.
Feb 26th – SR, haircut, SR, dinner, Idol.
Feb 27th – SR, ate bonbons and watched Oprah (more than likely), SR, dinner, registration for next round of swimming lessons, went to watch Pro-Am at Absolute Comedy. Got way too drunk. Had to play tooth fairy that night. Couldn’t find a loonie, lost son’s tooth. Husband saved the day.
Feb 28th – SR, SR (may have done something during the day, dunno); son’s art fair at CBC, Pizza Pizza.
Feb 29th – SR; SR; withheld both kids’ allowances, though can’t remember why now (but it’s on the calendar).
Mar 1st – Saturday, no SR (thank gawd). Beyond that, I’ve got nothing.
Mar 2nd – Visited parents. Woo-hoo!
Mar 3rd – SR; SR; swimming lesson; performed at another new room @ The Fox & Firkin. Small room, tiny stage, karaoke machine for sound system. Still fun.
Mar 4th – SR; registered kids for camp (yay! Two weeks to myself in July!); SR; drove to Mississauga in an ICE STORM to perform at the monthly Fox & Fiddle show. Amazingly, so did 5 other comics and a smattering of audience members. Such a stage ‘ho, me.
Mar 5th – battled HUGE snowstorm in valiant SR. Twice.
Mar 6th – SR; Drawing a blank, though the calendar indicates my son had a Hot Lunch at school – so boon day for him; SR.
Mar 7th – Partial SR, son off for March Break; parent-teacher interview for son (happily doing well, is spelling whiz, not eating glue, happy me); grown-up bedroom furniture finally arrives – made by wee Amish men* with real wood!
*I don’t know if the Amish men were, in fact, wee, but it gives me pleasure to think they were.
Mar 8th – First day of March Break for both kids. Hid under my duvet. That night hosted “Texas Comedy Massacre II”. Walked in over 1 foot of snow to get to subway. Once again impressed to see an audience. Fun show, with a 14-yr-old comic on the bill, who showed me that I’m an idiot to have waited as long as I did to start stand up.
Mar 9th – Did the “So Funny!” show again – this time, however, it’s been changed to a competition format (sheesh). Happily though, won the night. Was rather a hollow victory, however, because the host announced that “if those three women hadn’t left, Bobby would have won”. Shamelessly took the $50 prize money anyway and went drinking and dancing with another comic and two drag queens.
Mar 10th – Still March Break – oh how I long for the SR! Hosted Fox & Firkin. Small audience, but hey, that karaoke machine sure is fun!
Mar 11th – Still March Break…when will it end?
Mar 12th – Still March Break…invited girlfriend over for “coffee” – in reality broke out the beer, then the wine, then…well, you get the picture.
Mar 13th – Unbelievably, but March Break continues.
Mar 14th – Highlight of the day thus far – a trip to Costco. Bought a lantern for camping, a book, milk and shoes. Weird place. Am performing at Club 54 in Burlington tonight, and am hoping that a night with Ben Guyatt will make me appreciate my life more.
So, that brings us up to date.
See why I need comedy in my life?