Comedy Book

Holy crap, last week’s column was heavy! I blame the Figgie pudding we had at Christmas – it did not sit well. So, this week I thought I’d go a little lighter and share a glimpse into my “comedy book”.

Now, I have no idea what the demographics are for Andrew’s readers, so I’ll assume there are some who don’t know what a comedy book is. And if you all do, shut up and indulge me.

What I call my comedy book, which some less pretentious comics refer to as their notebook, is basically a journal in which I (and every comic I know), jot down ideas for jokes, potential tags etc. To be honest, I don’t know what other comics actually write in their’s, because there is an unwritten rule that one does not, under any circumstances, read another comic’s book. It would be like sniffing their dirty laundry, only more personal. And we have many of these books, ya fill one, get another and keep going. But I can tell you mine are filled with the above, plus every set list I’ve ever done. Rather pathetic, I know, but it helps me to not repeat the same jokes in the same room as much as possible – because I find a lot of the rooms have regulars, some of whom are harsh critics indeed, who will not put up with the same stuff over and over – yes, I’m looking at you, Eton House! (And thank God for places like the Eton House, where the audience cares enough to make you want to raise your game.)

My books also have random, often rambling notes and lists which I rarely understand when I read them back some time later. So without further ado, here’s a sampling of excerpts from my various comedy books. And yes, I am aware that some of these may cause concern for my mental well-being. Rest assured; it’s all in a day’s work.

  • “liquid bread”
  • “skilled and tooled technician”
  • “re-sign, resign, resign, resign”
    **Yes, written four times, in that manner – a cry for help?
  • “Miss Funny Bones – Doo-lally!”
  • The following list:
    • Jet fighter
    • Make your lassie moan with love and passion
    • Your little soldier will grow up to a big love general
    • Pants Spice
    • Hose Baby
    • Prison
      **I can only imagine these are subject lines from spam emails I found amusing. Either that or I clearly SHOULD be writing spam subject lines. Genius, I say!
  • “baby carrots – why now?”
  • “strapping puppies to luggage!”
  • Call Linda re: 7th
    **crap, forgot

And my favourite:

  • “poo cubes in space”
    **ya, ya, I know…

So there you have it. And believe me, this is but a small sampling.

Oh, and if you think of a way to turn any of the above into comedy gold, lemme know. I’m on Facebook.

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